Power

I'm feeling a bit out of sorts. This is normally what happens when you finish a book that has taken over your life for the better part of a year (looking at you Durante and Ella).

Normally if I finish a contemporary, I switch to paranormal, to effect a bigger change and to disconnect from the characters of the completed book. And it went a little left field. I did a little excerpt of this story, when I was furiously writing to meet the NaNoWriMo target of 50,000 words. Yeah, I didn't finish the story even though I met the target. It's turning into a never ending gumball. The hero and heroine, to explain, are disconnected because of a whole bunch of complicated stuff I can't really expand on because... it is complicated, and my brilliant idea to make them reconnect is a sex rite. You read that correctly. So paganism, symbolic vessels, nudity and the power of sex. And I wrote all of it.

I'm disturbed. Probably because I'm a good Christian girl (don't laugh, tis true) and it was drummed in early that paganism is wrong and sex is a bad word that you don't do unless you're married and you only do once for babies and that's the last you have of it, and you're not supposed to enjoy it or think of anyone else while you do it, apart from God, because it's for God and God's glory. Christian guilt is real.

While I conjured rain and fire and earth and air, my Sunday School teacher was in my ear, telling me it's all wrong. And yet, I say no, whatever guilt lingers. The power of sex with someone you love, trust, honour and cherish is that spiritual connection. And it's a connection that blooms and grows and deepens each time it's shared. It is powerful and truthful and soulful. I wonder if that's why sex is so feared because of what it can do to the mind, body and soul. My hero and heroine are using it for good. To realign themselves to each other. To defeat the bad guy(s) (thing. Whatever it is. I still don't quite know.) It's good magic. The best kind.

I absolutely refute the implied wrongness of a sex rite for my paranormal hero and heroine. They need it. Or they're gonna die. You know, it's probably a good thing I'm not a pagan. I'd totally fall for that line.

Old Days

This year is the 21st anniversary of the genocide in Rwanda and it made me, obviously, think about the Madelines in the world who were lucky to escape with their lives. I've met some of those women and the shadow in their eyes will never go away. The things they've seen, experienced, survived, will inevitably haunt them. But there are people who have stayed, returned and have made herculean efforts to revive the country; to rebuild lives; to make things better for those who suffered the devastation of their home being torn apart. I suppose it's part of what makes me feel proud of this story. That I gave my Rwandan a happy ending. Even though it's supposed to be about the soldier, it's really about Madeline and giving her centre stage.

I'm trying to get all my books soundtracks finished and public asap, and I almost didn't with this one because the soundtrack is pretty damn short. I honestly couldn't write a lot of this story to music. I wouldn't have finished it, because my river of tears would have killed my laptop dead. If you haven't read it, it's not that depressing, you may be a little in your feels, but you will be as happy by the end as Madeline and Cain. Army of You and Me on Amazon

Army of You and Me on Spotify

1. The xx - Together
2. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft Ray Dalton - Can't Hold Us
3. Mariah Carey ft Miguel - Beautiful
4. Daughter - Human
5. John Legend - You & I (Nobody In The World) 
6. Hans Zimmer - Chevaliers De Sangreal 
7. Alicia Keys ft Maxwell - The Fire We Make
8. Ellie Goulding - Explosions