The Romance Reviews

The Romance Reviews

Tuesday, 31 May 2016

My Bonnie

Wynne's Surprise on Amazon
Wynne's Surprise on ARe

I was about to write something in Arabic, then I remembered how much er naughty time is in this book and thought the better. Instead... Bonsoir! Wynne's Surprise has arrived! You've got Scots, and Morocco and Scotland and LA and London and all round good clean fun! I know that last bit was a lie, but Hot Muse Hank said I should give it a go, and see if... Yes, he's rolling around laughing. Brute.

Anyways, give my lovers are very and rather proudly Scottish. I've done a brief glossary to help:

Boaby - male member (look at me being all demure!)
Box - head
Canny - cannot Modern Scots (18th Century/ Robert Burns gen is 'canna')
Get tae fuck - (I lasted half a page, well done me!) get out of it!
Maw - mother
Nae - not
Nip - a sip, or knowing a Scot, half a glass...
Tatties - potatoes
Weegie - a person hailing from Glasgow - the maddest of the bunch.

And if that's not enough to get you going, have a wee nip of this:

Let This Moose Loose Aboot This Hoose!

She woke up with a jolt, tucked between the velvet softness of her sofa and the dense muscles of Bren’s chest. He stirred above her head.
“Are you okay?”
“I had the weirdest dream.”
“About?” he asked on a yawn.
“I had three tits and you were fondling all of them.”
Bren burst out laughing. “Why on earth would you dream about that?”
“I don’t even know.” She lifted her head and squinted at the clock. Midnight.
“Some nap,” Bren yawned again, untangling his arms from her body to stand up. He looked adorably rumpled. “Shall I get us some tea?”
“Aye, and maybe a snack or something.”
“Yes, madam,” he sarked in a Queen’s English tone, strolling into the kitchen and leaving Wynne to sit up. The sensation of oddness hadn’t abated with the nap, and the strange dream only compounded matters. Who needed three breasts? The overwhelming emotion that came from the dream was how much she’d enjoyed Bren’s manipulations.
She noticed her phone on the table by the lamp. Masochism forced her to her feet and to pick up the mobile. While Bren made tea in the background, Wynne stared at the screen. Okay, maybe she’d crossed a few lines, perhaps a page or a notebook of lines, or rather they both had, but at least they hadn’t crossed it all the way. Six missed calls from Robert, seared her with guilt.
Discomfort forced her to read the text messages he’d sent:
I’m sorry about today. Can you call me?
Wynne, it’s Valentine’s Day. Why won’t you answer?
Have you gone out?
You’re being really disrespectful.
“Tea,” Bren said and Wynne jumped in fright. She whipped around and saw him holding two mugs, an eyebrow curled. “I did tell you I was making it.”
“Of course you did. Sorry. I’m sorry.” She repeated the apology before taking the mug into her hands. Bren glanced down at her phone.
She hesitated. Bren took the tea and nodded her in the direction of her bedroom. “Go and call him.”
Wynne blinked, leaning away from him. “What?”
“Call him and tell him you’re going on a break. You’ll be back in a week, and you can talk then. If you want to.”
Word for word exactly what she wanted to say to Robert. Clearly, Bren was a better friend to her than to Robert. “Okay. I’ll be a few minutes.”
She scampered to her bedroom and gently closed the door behind her, resting against the wood for some semblance of reality to lock her to the ground.

That line she’d crossed with Bren a few hours ago seemed more and more blurred. Technically, not calling your girlfriend on Valentine’s Day until after she agreed to a holiday with her male friend she had intense sexual feelings for, could be considered as a breakup. Right?

So are we ready, steady, Eddie? Let's get surprising! 

Wednesday, 18 May 2016

Beautiful Surprise

This soundtrack is a little bit like a tagine. Taking some meat, vegetables, spices and a little water, then let it bake for a year and a bit... Then open it up just to throw in some new stuff because James Blake has a new album and my God it's helped with edits. Flowing like water! So, yah, he deserves a double spot. Then you have my discovery of the gorgeous Ibeyi (cheers Beyoncé!) and ginger man of the hour (this changes on a regular, you know this) Jack Garratt. Bring the base, blud. Bring the damn base.

So in anticipation of getting this done sooner rather than later, here is the soundtrack of Scottish love - via London and Marrakech.

  1.  Michael Kiwanuka One More Night 
  2. Corinne Bailey Rae The Skies Will Break
  3. James Blake f.o.r.e.v.e.r. 
  4. Chløë Black Cruel Intentions 
  5. Raleigh Ritchie You Make It Worse 
  6. Sara Hartman Stranger In A Room 
  7. David Bowie Valentine’s Day
  8. Vaults Poison
  9. The Proclaimers I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) 
  10. Hassan Hakmoun Sala Alla Alik Dima Dima
  11.  Jack Garratt Breathe Life 
  12. Elbow One Day Like This 
  13. Years & Years Eyes Shut 
  14. Gallant Weight In Gold 
  15. Walifa Heartburn 
  16. BØRNS Electric Love 
  17. Halsey Hold Me Down 
  18. Coleman Sitcom 
  19. Coldplay Hymn For The Weekend 
  20. Foxes Devil’s Side 
  21. Jack Garratt Fire  
  22. Texada All My Life 
  23. Florence + The Machine Third Eye 
  24. FKA Twigs In Time 
  25. Bibb Bourelly Ego 
  26. CHVRCHES Afterglow 
  27. Foxes On My Way  
  28. Ibeyi River 
  29. James Blake I Need A Forest Fire 
  30. Ellie Goulding Army  

Friday, 13 May 2016

Surprise Surprise!

"Suddenly-eeee! Life has new meaning, to meeeeeeeeee!"

I love this cover, so much! Me and Bree having a Strange-moment, with the background based on the lamps that are rampant in Morocco, and if I had a private jet and more money, I'd have a house full of the things!

The blurb is below! Be excited folks! I am!! Hence the abundance of exclamation marks - I will calm down. Eventually. Maybe.

Tagine of blog, with Argan oil... 

A million years ago at a barbecue, two lonely migrants, Wynne and Bren, a couple of Scots on the wrong side of the border, got a little too handsy with one another. And yet, it happened to be the type of handsy that leads to a friendship, based in comfort of the familiar and the embers of what could have been. All is well in their ship, right until Wynne falls for one of Bren’s friends. The worst friend that Bren could have ever feared. Like into a gingerbread house and straight into an oven worst friend ever. 

In a South London flower shop, run by a soon to be boxer's wife, Bren has the perfect, light bulb moment of a plan to get Wynne to exit the Grimm fairy tale. The plan goes into action on a certain day, the only day that's made entirely for romance and crazy declarations. Crazy like an offer of a magical holiday to Morocco! Who'd say no? 

Wynne hasn’t a clue what’s coming. But Bren's going to make sure she enjoys every single minute of it.