Hung Up

I got told off by Eve Vaughn. Actually, she did a Naboo from the Mighty Boosh and turned her back on me http://youtu.be/m8Da7PQE8O8.

It's because we're in the middle of July and there's no IK5. Sigh, it was all going so well, wasn't it? But stuff happens. And here's a list of reasons why there is currently no A Life Sublime for you to purchase:

1. It's almost 70,000 words.
2. It takes forever and a day to edit. Last weekend was dedicated to the proof edit all 347 pages of it. That's the Word typed version not the formatted version. God knows how many pages it'll be on epub or mobi. 
3. I have a day job and a kinda need to eat. Maybe a bit less but you know. Healthy food costs money. 
4. It had to go on the back burner for a bit while I made some decisions about the whole story. Writers guilt, one supposes. 
5. The cover is proving to be a challenge. I'm lucky in that I get a say in what goes on my cover and that my publishers are so passionate about Massimo to want to get his image perfect. The last older man that looked my direction was sucking at his dentures. Not hot. Mature cover models? The Holy Grail. 
6. I went to Atlanta! The conference put everything behind a bit but we're all getting back on track. I mean one still enjoys an afternoon nap now and again...
7. I keep watching that cat twerking video and cannot for the life of me be serious about anything for a good three hours http://youtu.be/ULEMNtgfAdY. 
8. I hated it. 
9. I still kinda hate it after this weekend. 
10. I'm worried how people will take to Belinda - who is the embodiment of all of my aunts - because let's be honest, women are harsher critics on themselves than anyone else possibly could be. 

The above could be just a list of excuses but the truth is, books do generally take a while to write. What happened to me with Rocky and Anna's story was a freakin' fluke. This one has been coming up to two years from start to finish. 

Once it's finished, I go through the story with a fine tooth comb to see if there are any plot holes or mistakes. There's always something (several somethings) that I miss. Then it goes back and forth between me and an editor. Three times. At least. Then it goes back and forth with a proofreader. Three times. At least. All the while I'm checking all the trademark endorsements for any companies I've referenced. Which means reading the story. Again. Checking all my language spellings are correct and that necessitates hog tying one of my parents to get that sorted. If you think I'm busy, it's nearly impossible to get them to do anything book related without some sort of bribe. And by then they're stewed in booze and no use to anyone. In the meantime, I'm scanning through image stock photographs for my Massimos and Belindas. The only score I have are my background photographs which are from Italy so that makes the choice a little easier. Normally, it's a few hours for a week or more trawling for perfect pictures. 

Sometimes, when stuff is this hard, I give up and write something else until I can face the challenge. So in answer to the question "Where the hell is this book?" it's coming. On my chilled bottle of Pear Bulmer's Cider, it's coming. Very soon. And no, I haven't changed my mind about point 8 and 9. I still kinda hate it.