Tuesday, 22 April 2014
"Miss London, I am telling you, if you leave this open, I'm just going to take it over. Five second warning... Well, good day to you all. My name is Niels and I am trying to get that dippy girl to write me back into my ex wife's life. Did I mention bed, Miss London? I think not. It is not where I was going either. Ye of little faith.
Maybe I can admit that my persuasion of late has been more sexual in nature but it's only because my wife is more understanding when she's horizontal. Or bent over. Or on her knees. What else can I do? Would flowers be enough for you to let me back into your life? Reclaim the coveted spot of husband, soulmate, king to your queen? Especially after two years of fighting. And my Stella is a scrappy little fighter. Leaving little scratch marks all over me. Not the way I like either.
We have two beautiful boys together and every time I look at them, I see my wife. Everything we should be together. That we should share. Laugh about. Fight about. Preferably about where I should put my d... Why are you censoring me now? It is not a family blog, child, I don't know why you like lying so much. I'm a father, I know when someone is telling porkies.
Onto less telling details. Simple facts. I happen to be Danish, well over six feet tall, I run my own business, I can hunt, fish, chop wood, build fires and exhaust a woman the way God intended. And I miss my wife. Enough to tell that awfully lazy girl to get on with it. I seek satisfaction. I will have it. Get writing."
Do you see? You see what I have to endure? The utter pushiness! Oh great, evil looks as well. I'm writing, okay? Grumble, grumble, grumble.