Dangerous

 

This last week has been a trial! I actively want to scream about wtaf happened! First we had International Women's Day, which is always blocked by "what about International Men's Day!" Then the UK had the Meghan and Harry with Oprah interview which opened up a new doorway to hell. Any institution that has benefited from colonialism, from the subjugation of Black and brown bodies, which to this day, is pocketing the money repeated from said subjugation... racism is going to be present. Some of my friends have questioned 'what would Meghan expect marrying into that institution?' Listen, the global image that Little Britain has presented, is that we're above racism. We don't sully ourselves in the mire of judging people for where they are from. We're nice and tolerant here right? We're nothing like America, right? I cannot see how anything, save for Jesus Christ himself appearing to Meghan and telling her that shit is about to go down, that would have prepared Meghan for what she was subjected to. I remember my mother asking me when Prince William (before his hairline abandoned him for his waywardness) went to St Andrews, and whether I would think about changing universities. I found it ridiculous as I went to university in the greatest city in the world. (I can't remember three quarters of it, but that's because I had a fucking great time) Secondly, there would be nothing that would induce me to not only to alter my entire life for a man, but marry into the same family that basically abandoned Princess Diana to the press hounding wolves? No, no thank you. So that was all of Monday, and people finally realising that Kate Middleton is every white woman who is offended by your existence in the work place and wants to interfere in your project. If you gently correct her, the tears will come and you'll be having a chat with HR, discussing what you need to adjust any perceived 'aggression' in your presentation. 

Tuesday, a florid man with a too small shirt collar for the thickness of his neck, who felt offended that Meghan Markle didn't abandon a press junket for him to go to his pub and have a picture taken with him and invite him to her wedding, decided on national television to claim that Meghan was lying about having suicidal thoughts. He felt brave enough to do so. In contradiction to the broadcasting rules and regulations - he called her a liar - even as journalists in the royal rota (I call them journalists for ease only) admitted that Meghan had come into difficulties, that she had been deeply unhappy and often in tears. We'd all seen it in South Africa where she thanked a journalist for asking how she was because not very many people had asked. Yet, he under the umbrella of the privilege of his whiteness, felt in his power and bile to call her a liar. Not thinking that 40,999 other people would do so, I complained to OFCOM. He needed to be stopped. It was enough. 

Wednesday, whether it was a PR stunt or not, florid man walked off his tv show after repeating his disbelief about the Duchess of Sussex' suicidal ideation and being challenged by the only other person of colour on the same show. We then found out that the number of complaints to OFCOM were in the 40,000s and that the Duchess had also complained directly to ITV heads and in his probable negotiations in staying with the channel or going elsewhere, he left. I for one, was relieved to not be walking into an old office and having to explain why this man was bad vibes for the morning and that his clashes with government should be standard for any journalists and not someone to be admired. After all, this was the same person with his nose so far up T*mp's arse he could have eaten the McDonald's for him. That same day, it was confirmed that a woman who had gone missing from an area of South London that I have walked, repeatedly at all hours of the day, with headphones blaring, on my own - as I often am - had been discovered an hour and a half away in a different county and dead? I was unbalanced by it all. In discussing florid man, Sharon Osbourne decided to peak white woman and verbally attack her co-host, demanding to be educated and raging. Also Baldimort (someone related to Prince Harry) claimed the Royal Family is 'very much not a racist family'. I don't know anyone who didn't find that utterly hilarious. (I know good people!)  

Thursday, we find out that Sarah Everard, the woman who had gone missing, was likely murdered by a Met police officer. I wanted to throw something when the major cry was "you're supposed to protect us!" ***stares in Black woman*** I didn't want to derail because people were hurt, but Black people, Black women have not had the luxury of trusting the police. Ever. Black children have been murdered and it's been said to be in the public interest not to pursue their murderers. In 1981, there was a fire in New Cross which killed 13 young Black people. A certain Head of State had the opportunity to write to the families of the survivors and chose not to. The fire was started by white supremacists. The police instead decided to close the matter claiming that the fire was the fault of the party goers, who were aged between 14 and 22 years of age. Only last year, two Black women were murdered in broad daylight. Did you know that photographs of their dead bodies was passed around a police WhatsApp group? Do you think those officers still have their jobs? Of course they do. Rape and sexual assault have been pervasive throughout our society since its inception. We as women cannot do anything else more to prevent violence against us. I was at my local bus stop on my way out (yes I did look fire, thank you!) and a man tapped me on the shoulder and told me my Oyster card had fallen out of my pocket. I thanked him and he said, "You shouldn't have your music on so loud, so you're not aware of your surroundings. Anything could happen to you, you know!" The worst things that have happened to me, is when I haven't had music on, when I've been sober, in places where I should have been safe. My headphones have protected me from a world of nonsense. I didn't tell him that. I didn't even tell him that I'd been sexually harassed and assaulted on buses before, but I had no other way to get to where I needed to quickly and cheaply. Instead, I thanked him again and got on the bus.  

Friday, Davina McCall, a television presenter decided to join in the #notallmen cry despite a survey confirming that 97% of women in the UK had suffered sexual assault or harassment, and ignore what happened to Sarah Everard, to worry about the impact on men and their mental health. Of all the pickmeness. Of all the derailment. What was the reason? What was the purpose? Yes, men do suffer but we're not talking about men right now. We were talking about the lengths women have to go through just to be out in the streets alone - wear bright clothing, call a friend, stay in well lit areas, keys between the fingers - but we should be concerned about men as to the impact of speaking about what women have to do to be safe? She was dragged expeditiously and deservedly. And before you ask, yes she is.

Saturday, after Charlie Hebbo decided to post yet another racist cover. A vigil was to take place for Sarah on Clapham Common. Baldimort's wife turned up, without a mask, in plain clothes (clearly contradictory to what Meghan had said during her interview.) This is someone who has had bodies turn up on her front lake and not said a thing about it - seemingly emptyhanded, looked appropriately sad for two seconds enough for a photographer to get her profile and left. As soon as she left, the police moved in under 'Covid rules' and began arresting women, throwing them to the ground and handcuffing them. As a Black woman, I could have told them that if the police decided to use those powers that they tend to take out on us on them as white women, but sometimes, you only learn by experience. Now they know. Now they're echoing what we've been screaming into the void for years. The police abuse their powers. 

Sunday, the front pages of papers were full of pictures of Baldimort's wife and how she was displaying class and grace, rather than the violence inflicted on the vigil attendees. People were upset on Twitter and again, sometimes people only learn through experience. But it was very obvious from the reaction to the BLM protests last year compared to the vigil how much they had seen and how much they had ingested because the same lines were being regurgitated. Sunday was also Mothering Sunday in the U.K, while people with titles and honours and London mayor candidates were showing their anti-Blackness and their arseholes for the social media world to see. 

Are you tired? I was exhausted. Honestly, I've felt a weight on me for days and it has. Not. Stopped. I have been tired of the change in narrative. I have been tired by the gaslighting. By the denial of humanity for women who are Black or have proximity to Blackness. By the attempts to paper over the cracks of the monarchy and the 'the countries I've colonised have been Black!' By the immediate reaction to protect men from the violence they wield against women, rather than making laws, rules, demands that they start changing. I can only hope that this week is better and a relief because it's been far too much. If anything, this should spur me to finish my current book, get it out in the world and then I can sleep. It's the one commodity that's fast becoming too expensive and all too rare.