Little Sister

 

I am near the finishing line with this story! While I would normally be excited about completing a tale and letting you guys at it, this has been a toughie. I did say that I wasn't writing something light, didn't I? It fits in with how hard 2020 kicked my arse and how hard 2021 has been for me so far. 

I don't have sisters. I always thought it would be a chore and an outrage sharing things like clothes or make up or god forbid shoes! And then I met a woman who made me feel like I was a part of her family. And I know why I haven't mentioned that she's left this world, because it's honestly one of the most painful things I've experienced, but I need to let some of it go, for my own sanity. 

She was only in my life very briefly, but long enough for me to want to call her and talk about all sorts of things - from the spiritual to the inane, tv joys and travel highs. I'd have happily shared my entire wardrobe with her, looked for her approval to anything I was doing. Nothing made me happier than when her name popped up on my phone if she was calling or texting me, or when I saw her we'd have the best hugs. Any meet up would start with a cup of tea first, then we'd move onto the hard stuff - obvs, you know me by now. And I don't really take calls. I'm like "text me" but if she called, we'd talk. I really miss that. 

Her illness came from nowhere and it robbed her and us of her. It really stole my friend, my little sister from me and I'll never get her back. There's a reason for me talking about my friend. The story I'm almost finished with, is really about the vitality, the necessity of sisterhood. Doesn't have to be by blood - I've written enough about dodgy relatives (looking at you Angela!) to know that blood is not always thicker than water. But that connection with someone who you could have easily grown up with, someone who makes you smile just thinking of them, that you'd do anything for - this is that story. The lengths these women go for their chosen sisters is wild. Truly and honestly but to paraphrase Chris Rock "I wouldn't do it, but I understand!"

Before my friend left us, there was a very narrow list of people that I'd do anything for. My niece - she's got my card details, my bank account like a scam from a Nigerian Prince - but she's a bubs, so everything needs to be as an example for her, for her future. Can't let her grow up a scamp! And I struggled to understand that level of unbalanced, unconditional love where you think "What laws? Prison? Fuck it, ain't no problem!" I know it now. All too late, but I know. And I wish I'd done more. I could have done more. But hindsight in 20/20 is never useful. 

When you read this madness of 103,000 words (it's really long, I'm so sorry), you'll understand what I've rambled on about. As much as it's about do anything for your sisters, even beyond the realms of reasonableness, it's about the depth of sororal love, beyond that of any other kind of love. 

Funny. Funny weird, not funny haha. I had a sister all this time. And while she's gone, the love remains.