Lydia Take Your Time

Carrying on the Italian Knights and their Ladies of London count down to IK5, this is Tony and Lydia's interview. Brace yourselves, folks...:

• Who are you closest to?

Tony

I do have a best friend that I've known since I was four but now he's all loved up and shit not sure I trust him not to blurt out everything to his missus. Nicky, I'm only telling the truth, which you still can't handle. (You know I love you G.)

Lydia

My baby brother, Jonathan. I don't know what the hell what my parents were thinking, having another baby, when clearly, I should have been enough. But he's here and he's lovely. There isn't a thing he doesn't know about me. He is a teenager though, so maybe there's plenty about him I don't. Why are teenage boys such crafty little buggers?

• What is your earliest memory?

Tony

I, at the age of two, two and a half, thought it was amusing to pour a pound of sugar into our VHS recorder. See if the sugar produced any pictures on the TV. I do now on regular occasions replace my parents TV and DVD player just to keep apologising. Hey, it's how I get fed. Have you seen me? I need shit loads to keep going.

Lydia

Walking along La Pleasure beach, in Accra, with my mum. I remember how my mum had bright red nail varnish on her toes and my little dress was pink. I was three. And sand was freaking me out. 

• Describe the last time you remember feeling really happy.

Tony

I do think it was relief more than happiness, but having Lydia tell us, us as in me, Gina, Paul and Sofia that Nick was out of surgery and awake, that was pretty close to euphoria. I'm not gay, shut up.

Lydia

When Jonny got into college without a single hiccup. I've never been so proud!

• What is your biggest fear?

Tony

Does not compute, love. I don't have fears. If I had the brass palle to hack into the Swedish government database at the age of twelve,  nothing much is going to change that twenty odd years later. What do you mean if someone messed with my food? Has someone touched my food?

Lydia

Losing my family. I knew I was always going to come to London to work and be nurse, but the idea of being without even a single member of my family scares the beejesus outta me.

• What are you best at?

Tony

Working with anything technological. Dancing. Knowing exactly where to spank a woman to make her forget everything. 

Lydia

Practical, logical reasoning. And ignoring it to do exactly what I want.

• Tell us something that will shock us

Tony

I have no issues with my family. There. Now work me out.

Lydia

I'd have no problem ending someone's life if they interfered with my family. Trust me, I wouldn't even lose sleep over it.

• What do you value in a partner

Tony

If I say a decent rack, are you going to hit me?

Lydia

Persuasion. Kink. A little danger. But most of all, a love and understanding of what family means to me.

• What is your biggest regret?

Tony

Not hanging around hospitals enough. Could have met an Irish beauty much sooner.

Lydia

Ever going out with that eejit Kelvin.

• What would you change about your life?

Tony

My life is awesome. All it needs is a little addition called Lydia Atta Mills and it'll be even more awesome.

Lydia

I'd tell my pussy to calm down around Tony Caristo. For my own sake.

• What item can't you live without?

Tony

My phone. I can rule the world from it. 

Lydia

Food. Hold on. Does Tony count as an item?